Monday 19 January 2009

Just for the Record

Sunlight glinting on sugar crystals catches my eye.

The lady who cleans my office brings in
homemade onion bhajjis
in the most extravagant and eccentric shapes.

The tiny American academic tells of her Christmas holiday.
She travelled in rural parts of Japan
and ate ferns.

The noisy South African academic listens politely
and then tells of his conference in China
where he ended up in a restaurant called
The House of Frogs.
Everything on the menu was based on frogs.

The tiny American academic rises to the challenge.
She tells us that she was the honoured guest
at a meal in China
and was given a bowl
and a plastic glove.
She retrieved the goose foot
from the bright orange sauce
and chewed it ostentatiously.
It was essential to show how much she enjoyed it.

The South African retires gracefully.
The tiny American wins.

My tall, friendly academic from two offices down
explains that he is no longer vegetarian.
He stayed in a hotel in Wales with an amazing menu
and had an overnight conversion
so that he could eat the Full English Cooked Breakfast.

This ex-vegetarian describes a dish of duck
cooked with red onions and plum sauce
in such detail that it makes me feel hungry to think of it.

What will MasterM be eating
this time next week?

We pore over guide books
with recommendations for steak restaurants
in Buenos Aires.

He reminds me that his uncle
came back from South America
with bags of deep fried grasshoppers.

Roast Beef for supper.

Unless I go to the supermarket NOW
there will be no food in the house this week.
We might need to eat the pointsettia.
Which would be bad for Family Karma.


trash said...

From what I hear of that poinsettia it may have set itself up to be eaten. At least then you would know it was gone!

Good idea to id steak restaurants in B.A. for Master M. I feel sure after spending all those hours perfecting his tango (and other fabulous Latin dances) in ever-so slightly seedy but endlessly fascinating dance halls he will need to keep his iron intake high. Then he can return and delight all comers to the sweets counter at F&M with his authentic twists and heel-stamps. OLE!

Anonymous said...

Grasshoppers? You'd have to eat a lot of those to get a full meal.

Eleanor said...

I love it when you do "Just for the Record".

driftwood said...

eating the poinsettia would I'm sure make an interesting tale to tell any of your academics....
but might give you terrible stomach ache..........

walter and me said...

I am reminded of being offered deep fried stink bugs in Zimbabwe. I declined.

JuliaB said...

Hehe! The Blackthorn will be out soon.. apparently blackthorn flowers taste lovely. Almondy and more subtle than hawthorn. It's on my list to try. Poinsettia's look as if they may be a bit less delicate on the pallate!! xx

Anonymous said...

My childhood best friend and her husband have toured various South American countries over a number of years and they highly recommend the beef oh and the guinea pig but not the water. Definetly not the water.

Mary said...

This was an incredibly international post really...

kristina said...

Just for the record...I love just for the record posts :) K x

blackbird said...

I am not a terribly adventurous eater - nor would I consider the ridiculousness of being a vegan/lacto-ovo or vegetarian.

Unknown said...

Reading your posts is as good as opening a Persephone title. It was lovely to be a fly on the wall of your office, thank you.

Quinn said...

Perhaps bad for more than karma.. I was once told by a botanist that poinsettias are toxic if eaten. He was warning me because of my dog, who took a very adventurous approach to life and dining.