Monday 28 January 2008

Cupboard Confessions

I looked in my cupboard
and what did I find?

1. A Stockpile of 64 White Birthday Candles.

If there is a national shortage
it is My Fault.
I must have had a period of
birthday cake anxiety attacks.

2. Three Sizes of Matches

This is for everyday,
children's birthday cakes (XLong)
and finally,
my birthday cakes (XXLong)

3. Two Types of Fairy Cake Cases

Fairy cake case snobbery unmasked here.
One can't have fairy cakes in coloured cases...
Can One?
It is is bit like bathroom suites.
They must be White.

4. The Salt.

This salt was purchased in 1990
When MasterM was still in nappies
And has been on every self-catering holiday since.
Either we don't use very much salt in our cooking
We don't do very much catering on self-catering holidays.

5. The Heritage Box of Yeast

This heirloom was bought when I got married in 1985
So that I could make fresh bread for MrM.
It was bought with the noblest of intentions.
You will note that it is unopened.
However, I have recently been inspired
to resurrect my short-lived breadmaking career.
Reports to follow.

6. The Bottle of Rosewater.

Imagine the situation
It is late at night just before Christmas
The aisles of Sainsbury's are empty
Except for the army of shelf stackers.
I run in to buy
(Oh! The shame of this confession!!)
Pre-Sieved Apricot Jam.
I clutch aforementioned item and turn towards the tills.
I know that the teenager on the till will judge me
if I arrive with just a pot of Pre-Sieved Apricot Jam.
And so I pick up this bottle of Rosewater to Improve my Image.
What is all that about?

7. The Bottle of Grenadine.

This is it, folks.
This is the item which I bought just for the label.
The label that matches my curtains.
That is how shallow I am.

Now I think it is time to close the cupboard door.
There will be no more confessions of weirdness
from ChezMagpie.
I would like to retain a shred of dignity.

the Mother of the Lovely MissE
reads this blog!


blackbird said...

I don't understand the shame of the jam - must be cultural, but the YEAST, DEAR GOD, THE YEAST.

Between you and Poppy, I think I'm going to have to start clearing out.

tess said...

the yeast is very impressive, you can't throw it away now, put it somewhere safe and one day when your kids are famous it will be worth a fortune!

the question is what ideas can we come up with to use the rest of the discoveries;
rose scented towering inferno cupcakes doused with grenadine for pretty pinkness, and edged with salt like a posh margarita?

Ali said...

I am outraged! Not by the flagrant disregard for use by dates (because I have similar horrors - rice paper circa 1996). But at the draconian white only fairy cake cases rule. Remind me to show you my decidedly non white cupcake case collection someday....

Anonymous said...

If you take up bread-making again, your mother-in-law will show your her latest efforts! Someone else is also interested in the drawing of Clfton suspension bridge on the last label.

Ginnie said...

64 candles're expecting Sir McCartney? Love this list. As bb says, there are some cultural differences that make this even more entertaining. And that last picture rang a bell with me. You'll have to come visit to see what I unearthed.

Mary said...

Oh the fun of catching up on posts written whilst I have been away.

Your photos Alice - just bliss.

BreadBox said...

Let me know how the breadmaking goes -- I'd be happy to share some tips I've developed over the years (some of which are buried back in my blog somewhere): little things, like how to get the water to an appropriate temperature without having an instant read thermometer available. And how to make it taste really good without going the sourdough route.

For fairy cake cases, I see the silicon reusables haven't caught your attention yet.... I love them!

dottycookie said...

Bread - yes, you really should have a go - though possibly not with that yeast. Though, speaking as someone who worked with yeast for 4 years of DPhil joy, I think you might be surprised ... it's a very resilient beast.

I have pink and lilac candles (I am not allowed to buy white ones) and fortunately now pass your cake case test. I wouldn't have before Christmas. There is something rather wonderful about a miniature fruit cake in a gold case though - can I tempt you?

It was wonderful to speak to you this evening, and now I can "hear" your posts!

carrie said...

I'm afraid to look in the back of my pantry . . . but if I do, I'll let you know! ;)

Anonymous said...

I happen to know all that there is in my pantry because the 2yr old loves to play in there and makes towers of beans, yeast and pilchards daily! But how i would kill for a bottle of grenadine in there. I love that stuff..with ice cold orange juice. Yum.
(The candle thing..i'm a coloured candle girl myself and have about 100 in the cupboard. I panic every birthday that i haven't got enough and throw a few more packets in!!)

Fairlie - said...

It definitely must be a cultural I can't imagine ANY situation in which picking up a bottle of rosewater at the supermarket would improve my image with the teenager on the till. In fact, they'd be lucky if they even knew what it was!

Anonymous said...

We should all be as honest as you. The only reason my cupboard doesn't have old things in is because I've only been in this house a year.... But, it has a goodly number of the weird and the wonderful, as my Miss C tells me on her visits.

weirdbunny said...

Come via dottie cokkie, this post really made me laugh !!!!

I have really old food colouring, I don't like to part with it, and it never does us any harm !